I'm at the age where I realize...

Nothing, actually.

I feel like my workplace is New York City and I’m Ted Mosby.

A consistent running joke with my paintball team is to text each other while we’re pooping. I just sent one to my teammate and he’s driving. The thought popped in my head, “I sure as hell hope that text doesn’t end up on one of those commercials as the text that got my friend in a fatal car crash.”

Anonymous asked: He actually graduates ATT school tomorrow, so he hasn't been in there long enough to be considered salty I suppose haha! I did tell him "Hooyah" though, and it made him laugh. He was actually very surprised that I knew about it, what exactly does it mean??

It’s just a thing Sailors say to one another. Marines know about it because we’re part of the naval service.

I’m thinking of starting a blog of all the goofy ass stories I have from being a 911 dispatcher. The only problem is, I’m lazy. haha

Anonymous asked: Hello! I saw what you wrote on the Generation Kill reblog and just wanted to pop in and say thank you for serving and being so open to talking about it. My brother is in the navy right now and I find hearing about the soldiers personal views makes me A LOT happier than what the news stations or websites always say. Idunno, you just seem like a real neat dude and I hope you have a real great day!

Thank you! I honestly do dislike being told, “Thank you for serving.” I do appreciate the sentiment, but I didn’t do anything special. Tell your brother, hooyah from a salty old Marine. Do you know what ship (if any) he is on? I spent most of my shipboard time on the USS Essex and USS Pearl Harbor (both Landing Helo Decks… They’re Marine haulers… haha)

Reason number one million and ten I love Generation Kill. I don’t think I could more accurately portray my life during the invasion of Iraq. They have everything down… The way we spoke, the things we spoke about, the bullshit, the dumbass officers, the dumbass SNCOs, and especially the FUCKING MUSIC! We had no CD players and all that shit, so everything we listened to was either what we sang or what Hadji played on the loud speakers in the middle of the night for prayer time. Teenage Dirtbag was huge in my life thanks to my previous deployment which saw us hitting Australia on the way home where I fell in love with Wheatus and I sang that song about a million fucking times between January and July 2003.

(Source: nixonsshades)

I think I'm the one...

  • Me (just now, randomly to my dog): When Jesus comes back you're going to hell!
It’s very appropriate that this shows up on my dash today of all days. lmao

It’s very appropriate that this shows up on my dash today of all days. lmao

(via didielovestea)

Colorblind Problems

  • Me (holding up two Gatorades): Are either of these purple?
  • Gas Station Employee 1: Huh?
  • Me: Are either of these purple? I'm colorblind and was asked to get a purple Gatorade.
  • Gas Station Employee 1: Uhhh... No, these are both kind of orange, let me find you a purple one.
  • Me: Son of a bitch... ORANGE??!?! I didn't know I was THAT colorblind!
  • Gas Station Employee 2: NO NO NO NO... The CAPS are orange, he meant the Gatorade inside, Doug. This one is blue and this one is kind of purple.
  • Me: Oh, ok. (thinking, WTF?)
thedailywhat: News FAIL of the Day: Two CNN Anchors Talk via Satellite in the Same Parking Lot Do you see what’s going on in this GIF? Yesterday morning, CNN Newsroom anchor Ashleigh Banfield and CNN Headline News anchor Nancy Grace were discussing the Cleveland kidnapping case “via satellite,” which is a great way to communicate for those who aren’t standing in the same parking lot, and of course, they were. The setup was discovered after a viewer noticed same exact cars passing through both sides of the split-screen in the background and The Atlantic Wire also followed up with a shot-by-shot breakdown of the scene. For the record, the much more likely scenario is that both “reporters” were actually no where near Cleveland and the green screens they are standing in front of was on the same video feed.

thedailywhat:

News FAIL of the Day: Two CNN Anchors Talk via Satellite in the Same Parking Lot

Do you see what’s going on in this GIF? Yesterday morning, CNN Newsroom anchor Ashleigh Banfield and CNN Headline News anchor Nancy Grace were discussing the Cleveland kidnapping case “via satellite,” which is a great way to communicate for those who aren’t standing in the same parking lot, and of course, they were. The setup was discovered after a viewer noticed same exact cars passing through both sides of the split-screen in the background and The Atlantic Wire also followed up with a shot-by-shot breakdown of the scene.

For the record, the much more likely scenario is that both “reporters” were actually no where near Cleveland and the green screens they are standing in front of was on the same video feed.

thumbcramps:

hi guys! it’s almost summertime which means i will actually have some sort of semblance of time to take commissions! woohoo!

i tried to make everything up there as explanatory as possible so i wouldn’t have to say much down here, haha.

so yeah! i’m doing cheapo commissions here on tumblr to rake up some pocket money for when my next semester of college starts (laundry, food, and supplies take up a terrifying amount of money jfc IM SORRY MOM). so after you take a read up there, if you’re interested in a commission or if you have any questions, please message me!

thank you so much for reading (and a reblog from any of u would make me a very happy lady).

(via thumbcramps)